One year ago, on November 12th, I moved from my home in New Jersey to a little apartment in Texas. I had so many reasons, but mainly, I was not happy. I am still searching for, but getting closer to happiness. There is no rule that says you need or are entitled to happiness, I have just decided to pursue it. I have also decided to log my progress here as I tumbl along toward my happy “ending”.

I have a few gazillion goals:

1. Become self-employed. (I covet the day I can go to work in my pajamas.)

I am currently working at a real estate rental office for a wonderful family. Thank you, God, for employment! :)

I have a bachelors degree in journalism. It is collecting dust on my wall, and it speaks to me. It is tired of being neglected. I would love to start my own web design business. First, I need to add a few more tools to my toolbox. I have my eye on a couple of classes to buff up my skillz. Maybe in a year or two I will have built some street cred.

I would also like to set up an Etsy store and sell my wares at craft fairs. Knit scarves and jewelry, to start. I do not know if it will be profitable, but I am hoping that if I take pride in what I make and price items fairly, people will like them, and more importantly, buy them.

My father runs an online business buying and selling internet domains. He is ill and has asked for my help in the event he can no longer do the work. I will be learning his business, and will eventually be able to take it over for him.

2. Be healthy. (I am hoping a favorable side-effect will be drop-dead-gorgeousness.)

I am 150 pounds overweight.

I have never been at my ideal weight. Ever. People who do not have this problem, think solving it is as easy as putting down the fork. It is not. There is so much more involved than counting calories.

I have been studying with a CHC for the last two years, which has helped tremendously. I am making progress, but it will take time for me to reach my ideal weight and body composition. I will share tips and a recipe or two here, most likely.

I have not been serious about exercise until recently. (I am not an athletic person.) I have been walking and jogging to burn calories and build stamina. I am looking forward to diversifying my exercise regime, adding to it more aerobic exercises, as well as strength training and flexibility exercises. I am looking forward to a leaner, toned body via dance, yoga, and some light weight lifting.

As I said, losing weight and becoming healthy is so much more than just counting calories and exercise. It requires mental and spiritual balance. This blog should help with some of that. First and foremost I will work to build my self-esteem. (This has always been my Achilles heel.) Focusing on and developing the talents I recognize in myself should go a long way toward that end. I am also exploring religion, as I was not raised in a religious household, and have always felt inadequate in that department. Some meditation and daily affirmations should also be helpful. 

3. Discover happiness. (I live for the day that I am completely satisfied just being myself.)

I do like who I am. I am just looking to make improvements and lead a fulfilling life. They say to do what you love, so I will.

I have wonderful family and friends whom I adore. We have good times. They all have so much going for them. While I have potential, they have mostly realized theirs. Of course, everyone has something to work on, but I feel like the runt of the litter. I just need to work toward realizing my full potential.

I need to develop my talents. I have always been in touch with what I’m good at. I love writing, music, and design. I do have a degree in journalism, but have not pursued formal training in creative writing, music, or design. Growing up, I did not have a support system to encourage me to pursue any of these fields. I decided, after some persuasive parenting, to pursue science as a career. So I wouldn’t be broke. I majored in physics for three-and-a-half years. If you do the math, you’ll figure that I made it pretty far in my major before realizing it was wrong for me. It only took the prodding of at least three of my professors, plus my official failure out of my major, to help me to realize I am not a scientist. The theories are fascinating, but the mathematics are tedious. I could not, for my life, wrap my mind around quantum physics. Perhaps someday in the far distant future … I did finally change my major to journalism, which I studied for two years in order to get my degree.

I will write every day. I believe every person has one good story in them. I will write mine. Every day. Until I feel it is finished and I am happy with it.

I will create music. I will sing. I will play my clarinet. I will learn to play instruments I do not know how to play, like the guitar and the piano. I want to join a band.

I will design clothing and home goods. A true Libran, I am drawn to beautiful things. (Who isn’t, really, but I definitely am.) I love exploring home design and fashion. I watch endless amounts of DIY and HGTV programming. I grew up watching PBS on Sunday mornings just to watch This Old House and the Furniture Guys. I also have so many ideas for a clothing line for all sizes. I have found it difficult, to say the least, to find flattering clothing in larger sizes. Even smaller sizes are tailored for basically one body type. I would love to design clothing that flatters all body types. If I can crack the formula, I will add my creations to my Etsy store. 

I will make a difference, however small, in this global community of which I am a part. I realize I am a relative spec of dust, but humans are here on Earth together. We may as well show each other respect and compassion. (We should show our home and fellow residents respect, too, but that task is larger than me at this point.) I would like to mobilize a group of intelligent people to spot ignorance and simply educate it. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard or read hurtful remarks from one person to another, I would, sadly, be a wealthy woman. (I would not have to worry about employment, self- or otherwise.) This needs to change. It hurts my heart to witness hatred as a result of ignorance, fear, or insecurity.